Monday, December 3, 2007

Bums

I am a bum person. I like bums. If you've ever been friends with me, related to me, or once dated me, then you have likely been on the receiving end of a bum pinch, a good-natured spanking, or an atomic wedgie (or a “Melvin” as they are called in Utah). Lucky for me, I am married to one of the cutest bums of all time (hi Babe).

I just like bums.

Usually.

While at the U of U vs. BYU game, an extremely annoying Cougar fan, upset by an unfavorable call, stood up and screamed heinous words at the referee. His malignant word usage and offensive sportsmanship was enough to make me decide that he and I could in no way ever be kindred spirits.

To make matters worse, the enraged fan leaned over the railing to scream his obscenities. This was a BIG problem because I was next to the railing. The fan's ginormous fat stinky bum was aimed directly in my face. I wouldn’t usually remark on the size of aroma of someone’s hindquarters except for the fact that this man was obnoxious and hateful and did I mention that his bum was in my face?

On a more pleasant note, Huggies sent me a sample newborn diaper. Oh my heck! It was so little! It was so cute! I totally forgot that newborn bums are so little and cute! It made me extra excited for Kiana’s arrival.

It also made me realize that Doug’s two-year-old bum is HUGE! How did I not see this before? I compared Kiana’a diaper to Doug’s diaper and decided that potty training MUST happen immediately!

And if Doug’s bum is huge, then my bum must be colossal. And if my bum is colossal, then the “super fan’s” bum must have its own zip code, weather system and at least three McDonald's restaurants.. The thought made me dizzy. So, I stowed the newborn diaper away along side the pink baby clothes and baby blankets. No more bum contemplating for now.

3 comments:

Ryan said...

Yor didnt mention the best bum of all, the bunster bum. You crack me up!

Kristy said...

Oh, you funny girl. Too bad about that BYU fan. Yuck!

sierra said...

Bethany. I am reading this blog during class and literally can not stop laughing aloud. THis is hazardous to my academic career.