Two

Doug has made the realization. He now knows that he and Mommy are not just one being, united in mind, soul and purpose. No, he is capable of his own desires, actions, and conspiracies. Woe.

No longer the round-faced angel baby I once knew, Doug is now one of those children. You know, the one’s who scream “NOOOOOOO!” at the top of their lungs for 45 minutes at the grocery store... The one’s who know exactly the right pitch and decibel level to vocally kill all birds flying within a two mile radius... The one’s who run full speed into busy traffic because it is funny to see an extremely pregnant mommy sprinting after them like a spooked hippopotamus.

And Doug can cause some serious damage. After several of our important household items disappeared, Ryan and I began a search and rescue operation. After hours of no success, Ryan had a last minute inspiration. He picked up our stereo speaker and gave it a little shake.

“Clinkedy, cloppedy, thud.”

There was definitely stuff in there. Unfortunately, the entrance to the speaker was only dilated to a three. If you’re not up on pregnancy/labor lingo then I will be more specific. Nothing would be coming out of that speaker any time soon unless surgical measures were taken (I would know). Being that the speakers were relatively new and expensive, we decided to cut our losses.

Two days later, I had a brilliant idea. Doug and I played a game called “Find what is Hidden in the Dark Scary Cave.” Doug’s hands were just tiny enough to make it through the small speaker hole. We cheered exuberantly as he retrieved the following items: Ryan’s keys, a small flashlight, a long wooden snake, a finger puppet, several fruit snack wrappers, a very malleable stuffed animal, some screws and nails, a small ball, a tatertott, and the kitchen sink... Okay, the tatertott was a fabrication, but everything else was really in there.

My child is turning two. Just in time for the second baby to arrive. Great.

Today, after another disheartening tantrum, I closed myself in my room and took a few deep healing breaths. Then, I retrieved the squealing Doug and put him bath tub. Sure enough, the warm water caused him to forget his squawking. I laughed as he lifted his leg to the tub’s rim and began “shaving” his legs. Perhaps it is time that I begin taking my showers with the bathroom door locked.

I lifted my squeaky clean toddler out of the tub and wrapped him in a towel. The towel was immediately cast side and naked Doug dashed into the living room where he ran around and around in circles whooping and hollering. No doubt a few nude somersaults would have been added to the performance if I hadn’t grabbed him. A toddler without a diaper is a dangerous thing.

I diapered him and put him in his jammies. Granted, it was only 11:00 a.m., but the jammies were for my benefit. Honestly, who could be mad at a child in form-fitting soft jammies. I hugged my little Naughty and kissed his soft cheeks.

Every night, Ryan and I sneak into sleeping Doug’s room to make sure he is warm enough and to kiss his little forehead goodnight before we go to sleep. Doug looks so gentle and innocent...even after a full day of screaming, breaking things, and refusing to eat anything except fruit snacks.

Lately, after saying goodnight to my sleeping boy, I have gone to my own bed frustrated. Not with Doug, but with myself. I then pray that I can be a more patient mommy and more understanding of his developmental stage. He is still my little angel, perfect and pure. I love him so much that it hurts. I want to do better.