Saturday, June 30, 2007


Imagine my astonishment when my belly button popped out at only nine weeks. Nine weeks!

It wasn’t until well into my second trimester last pregnancy that my body outwardly hinted at the fetal-frenzy that was happening inside. I felt relieved that I was finally showing… like suddenly there was proof. I felt vindicated for all of my squawking and grumbling. “I told you I was pregnant” my body seemed to be telling the world.

This time I feel like my body is telling the world “whoa… somebody tell me to ease up on the cookies.” Almost the instant I found out that I was in a “family way” my hard-earned flat stomach turned into Mount Bloatpudding.

I would not go so far as to say that I look pregnant, but my body has taken on an interesting in-between appearance. Ryan use to play a Playstation game where the bad guys were these creature-monsters with skinny arms and legs and swollen bellies and chest areas. They would chase you and grunt and swing their long limbs around. I was shocked the other day post-shower to look in the mirror and see a “creature-monster” peering back. I started grunting and swinging my arms around –just for good measure of course- but had to stop because I was afraid my prolonged laughter might send me into premature labor.

Perhaps I have unrealistic expectations of this pregnancy. Last time I never even needed to buy maternity jeans. I was what my friend Shauni lovingly referred to as an “orange on a shish kabob”…all belly. Not this time. No-sir-ee. I am already unbuttoning my fly when I sit down to watch the tube. This time things are going to be different.

So I have to keep telling myself “you’re not fat, you’re pregnant” which is pretty lame. Why on earth should I need to justify to myself why my body doing what it is supposed to be doing naturally. Nowadays, I feel like there is a cultural expectation to be cute and fashionable and slender (everywhere else of course) while pregnant. As if the pressure to be rail-thin isn’t enough when only eating breakfast for one. Dumb. From this point forward I am going to where my ballooned belly-button as a badge of honor for the hard work my body is doing to bringing a beautiful healthy baby into this world.

P.S. The picture on this post is NOT me. My toenails are far-better manicured.

P.S.S. My apologies to any xy chromosomes who may have happened upon this blog.

My True Love

Do you think it is weird to be in love with a color? I go through phases where I enjoy wearing certain dyes or I am drawn to specific shades in home decor. Ryan teases me that these tints become my “signature color.” These affairs, however, only last a season. Usually I am sick of them after a few intense months and am soon ready for a new color-fling. Two years ago it was chocolate brown, last year spearmint green. This summer, however, I have found the real deal. I know it is not a one-season-stand. It goes so much deeper than that. This color makes all the other color-infatuations look like “puppy love.”

I love love love cobalt blue. I would even dare say that it is my all-time, best-yet, most-favorite color in the world…ever. This blue reminds me of a stormy sky, my grandma’s dishes, Vincent’s haphazard paintings, the echoing ocean, Alaskan Opals, a satisfactory nap…all of these things. It is a passionate color. It is one that doesn’t apologize for itself and intimate another color. It is brilliant and proud, deep and perfect. I love it and if I could eat it I would.

Sorry chocolate brown and spearmint green. Our time together was sweet and I will always remember it. But cobalt blue and I…we are soul-mates. But I’ll keep ya’lls number on hand in case it things don't work out between me and ol' blue.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

So You Think You Can Dance

I loved to dance when I was a child. In fact, I was taking dance classes five out of seven days of the week. Unfortunately, I didn't' have the coordination or flexibility to ever be any good. No one could argue, however, that I didn't have the heart. I loved expressing myself through movement and enjoyed being on stage. Perhaps this is why I LOVE the show So You Think You Can Dance.
While I am not a huge fan of reality TV, I do look forward to this show every Wednesday. I might even call it the highlight of my week. It is not like other reality talent shows where the uncomfortably bad is mixed with the good. Everybody on the show is talented. I don't know how they can get their bodies to move like that but they do and I like to watch. The choreography is just amazing, too.
If you watched the show last year you know that Benji, the geeky Mormon dork, won. Rightfully so. He was brilliantly fun to watch. His sister Lacey is on this season and is almost as watchable. She suffers, however, from what was ultimately the demise of last years contestant Natalie. She smothers the audience with his synthetic cuteness and sexiness. I also like Anya, the Latin dancer from Russia. She is a spicy girl.
Other than those two, I don't have favorites yet. The season is still young.

Saturday, June 16, 2007


My roommate(s) and I once: accidentally set the apartment on fire. We almost torched all of liberty square because of an unattended candle and a stack of newspapers. We then hid the melted carpet and three feet of scorched wall behind the couch. I think it was that same week I almost burned Gandolfos down by leaving a bagel in the microwave for over five minutes. There were flames.

Never in my life have I: Eaten squash. When I was a kid my mom gave me the option of choosing one food that I didn't have to eat. Squash was it and I am sticking by it.

High school was: Fun.. but I would have done a few things differently... no "sun-in" for example.

When I'm nervous: I yawn... a lot.

My hair: Is getting long. I made a goal to not even so much as trim it till December. If I do it then Ryan promised me a day at the spa (where I will probably chop off all of my hard work).

When I was 5: I learned to ride a bike without the training wheels.

I should be: Feeling better.

By this time next year: I will have a new baby and a two year old! What was I thinking!

I have a hard time understanding: medical insurance. One of the finance ladies at the doctors office was trying to explain something to me the other day and I stared at her blankly and I think a drooled a little.

You know I like you if: I call you... ever.

My ideal breakfast is: My daddy-o's grits, fried eggs, fruit salad and pero (someone told me I was breaking the word of wisdom by drinking that stuff and so I think he is breaking it when he drinks hot chocolate)

If you visit my home town: you'll think I am the luckiest girl is the world.

If you spend the night at my house: you'll spend a lot of time with my hubby and baby. I go to bed at 7:30.

My favorite blond is: Sierra, although I think technically she is a brunette.

My favorite brunette is: Latoya Jackson

The animal I would like to see flying besides birds: a hippopotamus. Everything is better when it is a hippopotamus.

Last night I: went to bed at 7:30 and it was even a Friday night. I'd do it again, too.

A better name for me would be: My name is perfect for me. My parents are bloomin' brilliant.

I've been told I look like: I get Hillary Swank a lot. People have told me other celebrities, but I wont flatter myself by telling you.

If I could have any car, it would be: a Honda CR-V hybrid.

Friday, June 8, 2007


I was recently reading the Feminist Mormon Housewives website (thank you Kristy) and read an interesting blog about our Mother in Heaven. The woman who wrote it posted anonymously because she felt certain the subject was taboo and would certainly lead to social condemnation. Of course this blog got me thinking about my Heavenly Mother and why is it that I know so little about her. I have heard that one reason She is not frequently talked about is because of Her sacred nature. While I agree that She is infinitely sacred, I do not believe She is MORE sacred than the Father. Rather, I feel that the reason we don’t learn about Her is really that so little is actually known about Her.

Whatever reason we don’t learn about our Mother in Heaven in Gospel Doctrine, I feel inspired that it is possible and beneficial for us to have a relationship with Her. In fact, I have never had a stronger desire than now as am doing something that only another woman can do, carry a child. I know that my Father in Heaven understands perfectly what I am going through. He loves me and is aware of my suffering, joy and excitement. However, just as a daughter goes to her earthly mother for womanly advice (not because she loves her father any less or feels he cannot understand) it would be delicious to feel encircled by a divine feminine love as I push through this difficult and emotional journey.

I heard an idea that made such beautiful sense to me. We feel our Heavenly Mother’s love as we appreciate and sing spiritual music. I feel the spirit very deeply, but very differently when I allow myself to be uplifted by music. It feels like being wrapped in a warm blanket and kissed on the inside by someone so soft and understanding. I often find myself in tears over the balance of taking care of my body and taking care of my child. More than once I have heard the whisperings of the spirit tell me to sing hymns to myself and to my sweet baby. I have felt comforted when I have followed through with these promptings. Could I be feeling the love of my Heavenly Mother?

Just as we get to know Son as we get to know the Father, I feel that our Heavenly Father and Mother are also linked in purpose and spirit. As I pray to my Father, I feel like my Heavenly Mother is listening and guiding too. As I further my relationship with Him, surely I must be drawing closer to Her as well. I believe She wants me to feel of her love. And as I am willing to work to have a relationship with Her she will encompass me with motherly love and acceptance.