My Son, the Masochist

One hour and thirty minutes is the current record.

If Doug decides he is full, he is full. No more food will be entering his stomach… and that is final. He often decides this, however, when the last bite of food is already in his mouth.

A normal person under such circumstances would do one of two things. Either he would spit the surplus food out or if he was really really normal, he would swallow anyway.

Doug opts for a different approach. He holds the food in his mouth. He allows it to liquefy. He may even swish a little. But under no circumstance will the food be swallowed.

And he won’t spit it out either. Not unless he has permission. Sometimes, in attempt to teach Doug a lesson on the importance of swallowing, Ryan won’t give Doug that permission. So Doug just sits there (sometimes for fifteen minutes or longer) until Ry finally gives in and holds him over the sink.

Occasionally, however, it goes unnoticed that Doug hasn’t swallowed. Such was the case several months ago when Grandma Aidy took Doug to the mall. They ate at the food court and then continued shopping. Grandma wondered why Douglas was being so quiet and well-behaved. After an hour and a half of silence, however, Grandma realized that something was terribly wrong. That’s when she discovered the Cajun rice, chicken, and corn just stewing in Doug’s mouth. It was the record-setting incident.

Saturday night was another instance. Doug had dined on sandwich for dinner. It wasn’t until he sneezed bologna and cheese all over Ryan did we realize that our poor little champ had been juicing his dinner for well over a half an hour.

The end.