Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Why I Will Never Own a Dog

I have always liked dogs, and most definitely prefer them to cats. I have very fond memories of my old doggie, Jessie, who let me hold her when I was suffering through junior high. I think dogs are loyal, and fun, and great. But I will never own one. I don’t want to and it is Ryan’s fault.

Ryan is a germophobe. I can’t blame him. He basically spent the first several years of his life in the hospital.

If Ryan’s toothbrush has been “contaminated”—dropped on the floor, Doug played with it, its bristles touched the bristles of my toothbrush—Ryan will need to purchase a new toothbrush.

He has a Costco-sized hand-sanitizer dispenser of which he uses frequently and gargles with when necessary.

Ryan told me he was allergic to dogs so that I’d never pester him about owning one. It wasn’t until recently that he informed me that he is not actually allergic to dogs… it was just wishful thinking.

At restaurants, Ryan asks the server to “hold the ice” in his drink because I told him about the e coli content in fast food ice cubes (learned it on Oprah).

Consequently, I won’t tell him about the vast quantities of bacteria stewing in his loofah because that would really ruin his life.

I used to laugh at Ryan’s hand-washing germ-hating ways. But now, sadly, I have begun to subscribe to them.

In San Antonio, Ryan and I both brought our own bedding so we wouldn’t have to use the hotel’s comforters and pillows.

I probably take more squirts of the hand sanitizer each day than Ryan does.

And now whenever I see a dog, all I really see is a poop-making, hair-shedding, flea-enabling, garbage-licking creature of all that is unbathed and unsanitary (Oh wait... that sounds a lot like the hygiene of my toddler...hmmm).

So I will never own dog. Even though I love them. And it is all Ryan’s fault.


Audrey said...

How does it go? First we shun, then we tolerate and then we embrace? My husband has inflicted similar problems on me. I used to love to get new clothes and now everytime I buy myself something I feel incredible guilt because he won't ever buy anything for himself. Some would say he's helped me to be more frugal, but I was never excessive. Ah, the days when I could shop without remorse.

Chris and Tara Mason said...

I grew up with dogs and cats, and always thought I'd have them when I became an adult. However, Chris actually is allergic to animals, so we will never own a dog or cat either. However disappointed I was to learn that we would never have any animals, I must say that I like not having to clean up littler or droppings and I like the fact that I don't have to worry about animal hair on my clothes. So, we will never own a dog either. But, if Chris dies before me, I may buy a cat!

Blake and Meg said...

Yes, owning a dog is very messy, stinky, and at times down right annoying... but I must say that I wouldn't trade my annoying dog Zoe for the world. I have grown attached to the smelly German Shepherd!

Bart said...

We probably won't ever own a dog either. The main reason? Hair on the couch and on my clothes. I hate that.

Plus, I agree - I always have to wash my hands as soon as I finish petting a dog. They're so loveable, but I have a hard time knowing I have dog oils all over my hands . . .

Tris said...

But see, when they are YOUR dogs, it's a little like when it's YOUR child, you don't mind their gross habits as much. Plus there is nothing so pure as the absolute love a dog has for his owner; when you come home from a hard day, there is a little bundle of fur bouncing up and down who has been waiting for you all day. I love it (but I don't love the $600 vet bills).

adrienne said...

Tell your germophobe sweetie that on the Today Show today--they said that the reason so many children are so allergic to so many things is that they have lived in an excessively clean environment. Apparently your immune system needs a some germs to keep it busy or it shrivels up and dies like an unused muscle and then every little germ or allegen that comes along can have a wild play day because the body has no defenses. So throw away the hand sanitizers, kiss dogs on the mouth and for heaven's sake stop washing the dishes before you wash the dishes! (Matt Lauer--a very committed germophobe nearly barfed when the "expert" was talking. Tell Ryan I promise to never use his toothbrush when I visit.

Rachel Evans said...

Maybe it is a Lee thing, but I totally understand! Sometimes I wish that I could reverse it, but in the end, I am a germaphobe too!