Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Talent Show

Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I am a woman of many talents. If I were a character in a Jane Austin novel, other characters might call me “accomplished.”

I’m really good at shopping without actually purchasing anything. I’m a Boondoggle pro. I can smell milk on the cusp of its expiration date from a mile away—which leads to my next talent…I have an impressively loud gag reflex. Did I mention that I have strong tooth enamel?

There’s one talent, however, that I cannot claim as my own. I can’t park. I try… oh, I try… but my car always ends up exceedingly crooked or less than three inches away from the car next to it.

My parking is a source of endless amusement for my husband, who teases me relentlessly at every journey’s end. I just shrug my shoulders at him. I have out-used my excuse “They can’t all be winners”—thereby stripping myself of all credibility.

There was a time when I was a brilliant parker. The glory days of 2002. My car always gave ample room for next car over to open its door. I could parallel park and even do backwards u-turns into particularly narrow spots.

I scammed a guy or two into falling madly in love with me by showing off my parking skills. Apparently, nothing is sexier than a woman who has command over her vehicle (even if the vehicle is a 1987 Corolla).

Unfortunately, because I used my parking dexterity for my own evil purposes and not for the greater good, the talent was taken away… just like that.


At least I have boondoggle as a fallback. Boondoggle is sexy… right?


Rachel Evans said...

That's funny! I can't park either! Especially parallel parking. I failed it on my driving test and yet they still gave me my license. I am still not so sure that that was a good idea! :)

Melanie said...

Bethany I think your greatest talent is making just about anything sound really funny.

I think my greatest talent is my ability to balance a croquet mallet upside down in the palm of my hand. Yeah, it comes in really handy just about all of the time.

heather jenson said...

I Think Your Talent It Writing And Being Funny! And Oh Yes Boon Doggle. Totally Love That. Bringin Sexy Back! :)

birdbabies said...

i love reading your blogs! you have the best ability at keeping the readers attention. sorry about the parking problems, no worries, you have tons of other talents that outweigh it.

Jer and Jealin said...

Sure boondoggle can be sexy. Maybe you should try to make a boondoggle thong?