Sunday, January 6, 2008

The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding

Whoever said that having a Baby is Glamorous?

Okay, no one ever said that. But is what they didn’t say is that having a baby is an extremely GROSS process. You suspect it might be so when you check in to the hospital, but can never quite appreciate vast amounts of multi-colored liquids involved until you’ve actually gone through it.

While I often feel it my duty to fill others in on the most sensitive information of my life (a habit my mother calls giving “too much information”), I will spare you the gruesome details if my delivery and recovery… even though this goes against every fiber of my being.

The topic that cannot be left undiscussed, however, is breastfeeding.

Theoretically, it should be easy.

Open mouth, insert boob.

But alas, even to a seasoned breastfeeding veteran, such as myself, getting the process started can be a little tricky.

I was in the hospital for three days and shuffled though a small army of nurses. One nurse was African American, one was fromVietnam, one was Hispanic, one was white, one was Indian and one was from Iran. As different as these women were ethnically, they all had one thing in common. They all squeezed, shook, and kneaded my bare-naked boobies.

And I was grateful.

Kiana was too tired to cooperate and I was getting frusterated. Had I not had a full staff getting fresh with my girls I may have ended up in the insanity ward. Hormones… you know.

Now that Kiana and I have an understanding (I sustain her, she helps me lose those pesky baby pounds), things are going much better. Now if only I could remember which side I nursed last, left or right.


Dana said...

Oh, Isn't breastfeeding so glamorous! When I was in the hospital Jett asked if he could help feed the baby...that was when I had the lovely talk with him about how mommies get milk in their boobies and the babies drink it out...He looked right at me and shouted...It's like MAGIC!!!

So, not only is it GLAMOROUS, It's MAGIC as well!

Blake and Meg said...

At least it's not your first time around and it's the most painful experience ever. I thought I was going to die!

Blake and Meg said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Audrey said...

I just saw your post about the Kool-aid on Stephanie's blog & thought it was hilarious, so I visited. You are quite clever. That breastfeeding thing, like you said, seems to simple. My son decided after a couple of weeks that he didn't like my right breast, so I had to hold him the weirdest way to make him think he was still nursing on the right side. The fun!

brenley said...

hilarious! and so true! i love your blog. i didn't know you had a daughter, let alone a son! so fun! congratulations! thanks for making me believe that i'm not the only one who is know for giving 'too much information.' i'm going to add you to our blog:D have fun with your baby girl, love her name by the way!

Steph Bowen said...

I'm not going to breastfeed. Will they still touch my boobs? Should I reconsider breastfeeding so they will touch my boobs?

PaulandNicolesJourney said...

That is hilarious!!! It should be a fun experience with me this week:) Wish me luck, I may be need some hinters!!

Jessie said...

Hey Bethany,
An indie movie is a movie that is produced by a smaller film studio and is referred to as "independent." They usually spend less money and they aren't as typical as the big blockbusters.

Stephanie said...

you crack me up!!! thanks for the laugh on this monday afternoon!!! Love ya girl!

Heather & Trevor said...

AMEN on that post! I love your "insert boob' comment. So True! I must say that it is nice to be done nursing Emma. Sometimes it is wonderful and other times you feel like a cow! :)