Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Shrinkage


Chuck: Behold the amazing shrinking woman. Bethany, you look little. How did you loose the baby weight?

Bethany: Thanks Chuck. I lost 25 pounds in three days thanks to the Pulmonary Edema diet.

Chuck: That’s fabulous! You must feel so proud of yourself. Would you recommend this diet to other people?

Bethany: Absolutely, Chuck. I had great success with this plan. Others would as well—that is, of course, if they don’t particularly enjoy breathing. This diet is also successful if one doesn’t mind going 48 hours plus without a drop of sleep, being constantly nauseated, having an upset stomach, enduring severe anxiety, peeing like a racehorse, dealing with megalomaniac doctors, and staying two nights in prison… I mean the cardiac unit of the hospital, being tethered to half a dozen machines, and not being able to take care of your newborn. Yes, this diet was fabulous. I would recommend it to anyone.

Chuck: What an amazing weight loss story! You are an inspiration to us all.

Bethany: Thanks Chuck.

9 comments:

Dana said...

You are Hilarious! How are you feeling?

Melanie said...

Well, if there is a bright side to all of this, at least you got rid of that baby weight super quickly! Although I would probably recommend getting your wisdom teeth removed as a slightly more conventional way to speedily lose pounds.

Audrey said...

Okay, so I'm certain it was miserable at the time, but honestly 25 pounds??? I think I might actually be willing to experience that. I guess this is the type of comment you're never supposed to make, 'cause then you are actually forced to go through the same thing, but you are feeling better I take it and now you can wear those pre-pregnancy jeans again. Every woman in your ward is going to hate you.

Jer and Jealin said...

So glad you are back in the land of the living. I don't know what I would do without your posts to entertain me. You are the funniest person I am destined to eventually know! Take Care!

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Steph Bowen said...

Wow! I was feeling happy because I'd lost 20 lbs since becoming pregnant. Now, if I could just make sure I get what you had, I may make it out of this pregnancy lighter than before. I'm sorry you had to still be nauseated. That stinks. I'm sure the not being able to breathe thing sucked, too. Actually, the whole thing sounds crappy. You have all my sympathy. I hope you're doing better.

Steve, Jenn and Tyson said...

Sorry to hear about all of the "suck" at least you're okay and things are good now - you're 25 lbs lighter!

The Evans Family said...

Rachel: Bethany, thank you for that wonerful information, but I do not think that I will be trying your diet any time soon! :)

Ryan said...

Although I did not like watching my wife go through the diet, I have to admit that she looks hot!!
By the way who's Chuck?