Green Jello... and So On

Ry and I just got the basic cheap cable package, but lo and behold, the BYU channel was included! This excited us to the point of a happy dance! If you’ve ever had the pleasure of watching the BYU channel you might have seen a documentary on peach-canning or a recording of an Orem Ward sacrament meeting from 1979. This will come in handy if (a) you missed church that week or (b) you missed the last episode of What Not to Wear.

Anyhow, last night I was channel surfing between MTV’s The Hills and BYU channel’s broadcast of a university performance medley… and yes, there was clogging involved. Perhaps it was the stark contrast between the two shows, Hollywood vs. Zion, but one thing became painfully obvious; us Mormons are a bunch of dorks.

And it is glorious, isn’t it? I am all for the Mormon culture. If I ever hear people bad-mouth Provo I say “Pardon me, have you ever been there? Have you ever experienced the joy of running into two extremely important celebrities in one week (Marie Osmond and John Bytheway)? Have you ever guzzled so much Hawiian Punch laced with 7-up that you swear you had a buzz? Have you ever been to a place where it is equally cool to wear a 1960’s leisure suit on a date as it is to wear Banana Republic? I think not so shut your darn flippin’ mouth!”

Provo is amazing but Mormon culture extends far beyond the reach of Utah. When I was teaching in Guatemala I attended a ward party in the church’s cultural hall. An amazing Guatemalan delicacy was served. I can't remember its name but it was made from of potato, pork lard, and meat, and then wrapped in a banana leaf and boiled. I devoured several of them before I realized the reason I liked it so much. They tasted suspiciously like funeral potatoes. I wouldn’t be surprised if the church sends special shipments of ‘crema de mushroom’ soup to church branches in foreign countries alongside tithing slips and hymnals.

All jokes aside, I really do like the Mormon Culture. I am proud to sport big hair, eat Jell-O containing mystery vegetables, groove to the MoTab on my I-pod, send my child trick-or-treating in a suit and tie with a badge that says "Elder Lee", and wear an undershirt to cover my undershirt. This culture is part of what makes Bethany Bethany—even if I am a big dork.