Spider Season has Arrived.

The spider was a pervert.

I stepped out of the bathtub and there it was, gawking at me with its eight filthy eyeballs. It was blocking my access to the towels.

“Neither can live while the other survives..." I thought to myself.

I skittered out of the bathroom and into the bedroom where Ryan was in the midst of a deep REM cycle (it was the middle of the night). I wiggled his big toe.

“Pooh Bear?” I said timidly.

Snore.

“Ahem… Pooh Bear?” I shook with a little more gusto.

Snore.

“Pooh Bear!!!!” Ryan gasped and rocketed to an upright position.

“Uh, Babe, there’s a perverted spider in the bathroom,” I said.

Ryan looked at me. I was bare naked and dripping wet. “Are you serious?” he asked.

“Uh huh. It's blocking the towels,” I said.

Ryan got up and stumbled to the bathroom. He squished the grape-sized spider in a tissue and flushed it down the toilet. Satisfied, I grabbed my towel.

“While you’re up, there’s another spider under the cup by the bathtub.” This particular spider had repelled from the ceiling during my bath and upon landing on the bathroom floor was immediately caged beneath the cup.

Ryan took care of the other spider and went back to bed.

I joined him a few minutes later. “Thank you, Ryan,” I whispered as I pulled the sheets up to my chin.

Ryan leaned over and kissed my cheek. “It’s my job to get the spiders,” he said.

So I ironed all of his shirts today.