My New Skill: and it's Not Nunchucks.

If you think jumping out of a plane, plummeting toward the earth, and then pulling a string only moments before splatting your guts all across the mountainside is a rush... you've never handed a cashier a stack of freshly-clipped coupons and watched your grocery bill reduce by half.

Until you've done it, you simply haven't lived.

I can often be seen exiting Smiths leaping heavenward and clicking my heels in the air.

Would you like to see today's grocery excitement? Alright, buckle your seat belt, my friend.

All these items rung up as $83.00. After scanning my Fresh Values Card and then handing the Coupon Scrooge (AKA the cashier...more about him later) my hefty stack of clippings, my total came to.....dthrdthrdthtdthrdthrdthrrrrrr....

$34.12!!!!

When I got home, my heart dropped when I realized that I had forgotten to hand the Scrooge my four Weber Marinade coupons worth 50 cents each. I had to make a conscious effort not to dwell on that little mistake because that is the sort of thing that'll send an avid couponer to the loony bin.

Now today's shopping success wasn't even close to my most spectacular, but a pretty typical example of what I am able to do each week with my couponing skills. No doubt, I'll be posting more pictures of future grocery triumphs as my fancy is tickled. Sorry.

A few extra thoughts on coupons.

Coupons can be used for good or they can be used for evil:

-Just because you have a coupon for a product, does not mean you are getting a good deal. In fact, 95% of the time, you are better off purchasing the generic brand. ONLY purchase a product if it is on super-duper, life-altering, amazing sale and you have a coupon for it. There are many websites that compile store sales, rank items according to sale's value, and list a corresponding coupon. I use Grocery Smarts.

-Couponing can lead to a toxic diet. Just because you can get Hamburger Helper for 25 cents a box, doesn't mean you should. Down with processed foods! Use your coupons for household items, yogurts, cheeses, condiments, cereals, girly products, lunch meats, whole grain breads, and occasionally Betty Crocker Warm Delights. By doing so, the bulk of your money can go to fresh produce and meats.

-Get four Sunday papers. You'll receive four sets of coupons and can stock up when items go on sale. You should see my food storage! Woooweeee!