Monday, August 23, 2010

Me and My Llama...

I have a confession to make. I hope you still like me afterwards. I hope I don’t totally repulse you. But here it is: until today, I had not visited the dentist is seven years.

You are resting your head between your knees, blowing out rhythmic puffs of air to keep yourself from vomiting, aren’t you?

Even though you are totally grossed out, I feel much better now that it’s out in the open. Phew!

Why, you may ask, did you put it off so long? Well, I’ll tell you: I have tooth enamel of steel. Seriously. I have a contract with a local jeweler that when I croak, I’ll bequeath him my teeth so that he can more efficiently cut his diamonds. Rocket ships are built with materials less durable than my friendly chompers. I have had only one fluke cavity my entire life, and I swear that it wasn’t really a cavity, but a desperate attempt by my mouth to fit in with the mouths of my peers.

But even if one does have incredibly talented teeth, one still must pay their dues in the dental chair, right? At least that’s what society would deem “hygienic.”

After much haranguing from my social conscience, I finally set up a family dentist day in which I received my first dental cleaning since I got married, Ryan’s first dental appointment since before his mission, and the cubs’ first dental appointment since, like, ever.

And it was fun. I forgot how much I like the dentist. I liked listening to the hygienists swoon over my teeth and marvel at how they practically repel bacteria. I liked hearing the gasps as I told them how long it’d been since my last visit (they proclaimed my mouth looked like one that had just returned for its six month cleaning). I liked how slippery-smooth my teeth feel as I slide off the chair. And I loved the goodie bag I received, which contained my very first tongue-scraper. A good tool, that.

And yep. I was cavity-free.

But the best part of the family dentist day was watching my kiddles also enjoy their experience. They were not scared, not one bit, and especially enjoyed getting their spit suctioned from their mouth. I always liked that part, too.

I was informed that they also have teeth of steel. Good cubs.


Audrey said...

You are so lucky!!! I got my first crown this year and I go every six months. Yes, I had managed in less than six months to go from no problem to being told that I had ground my tooth into three pieces and one of those pieces was missing! YUCK!

adrienne said...

Wow, that really is disgusting. Were you raised by wolves?

Jill said...

I have to confess that I periodically stalk your blog. (Nope, we don't know each other at all; you are a friend of a friend of a sister-in-law of a friend, I think...) And while I ordinarily am creeped out by the idea of commenting on a stranger's blog (but oddly flattered when someone does it to me), it must be said: We are currently dental dopplegangers. I have lived 28 cavity-free years, the last seven of which have also been dentist-free. Same for my husband, minus the no cavity part. Coincidentally, we have appointments tomorrow, and I could not be more terrified. I think my streak may be over. Anyway, sorry to leave you a long creepy novel, but I had to commend you for sharing the world what I was too scared to admit on my blog/facebook/to my own mother...

im jake young said...

ok i searched i got rocket ships for teeth how the fuck was this number one search result on google not saying thats bad but its hilarious the most randomist thing i think up is bam kids getting teeth done and a poop load of canned food in pictures?

Loretta said...

Kudos to you and your chompers of steel. I wish I had strong teeth like yours.

Anyway, good thing that your cubs liked their first dental visit. My lil' kitten will have her visit by the weekend at a Dentist Bartlett clinic. They are my trusted Bartlett dentists so I won't have worries for my kitten.

Hope your cubs would have really strong chompers even when they grow up!