Because it's Cheaper than a Divorce...

All we had to do was go without TV for a year. In return, my mom promised Jared and me one crisp hundred dollar bill each. Any seven-year-old would’ve sold their soul for that kind of loot.

It took a whole year to earn that hundred dollar bill and exactly one hour to spend it. Jared and I went halfsies on a Nintendo. We sold that very same Nintendo two years later at a garage sale for twenty bucks.

I have a lot of sad feelings about this series of exchanges. First of all, my mom totally took advantage of us. A HUNDRED DOLLARS! The sacrifices I had to make: the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Kids Incorporated, the Love Boat… Oh the opportunity cost! I should have asked for triple… AT LEAST.

Second, why on earth did we sell that beloved Nintendo? Hours of fun, laughter and hatred spawned from that plastic gray box. No doubt, my cut of the garage sale proceeds were invested in my ten pound gum collection, which, in a weak moment, was disposed of in two feverish hours of serial chewing.


So as you know, Ryan and I are a superb match and get along capitally. This is not to say that we are similar types of people. We are very different.

My idea of art is Degas, Monet, Klimt. Ryan’s idea of art is a picture of the beach that has rotating light bulbs behind it, so it looks like you are watching the beach on TV.

A sport Ryan enjoys is tackle football. My favorite sport is flat-ironing my hair.

My idea of entertainment is Gilmore Girls. Ryan watches ultimate fighting.

We both enjoy outdoor activities like hiking and exploring, but in the summer, when it’s so freakin’ hot, Ryan and I must get creative with activities we can enjoy together. Usually we make compromises. I’ll watch UFC with him if he gives me a half-hour back rub. He’ll play Nertz with me if I agree to never make him play Scrabble ever again.

Lest this post gets unreasonably long, let me get to the point. When Ryan and I found an old-school Nintendo for sale at the mall, we jumped on it. Both of us felt nostalgic about the hours we’d spent with Super Mario, Luigi, and Donkey Kong. While the $50 price tag raised our eyebrows, we figured that the Nintendo was an investment in our marriage.

We played Mario and Tetris until our eyes blurred and our thumbs felt numb. I won sometimes, Ryan won sometimes. We laughed, we cried, we called each other names like “Stupid Luigi Face” and “Flower Power Hoarder” but even after all the bickering we had a renewed sense of giddiness for one another. He became the Sexy Plumber, Mario, and I become his Sassy Princess. I’ll leave the rest to your imagination…



And while I still harbor angry feelings about my mom duping me out of TV for a year, I guess I can’t be THAT mad. I went to my friend’s house and watched her TV every chance I got.