Friday, August 10, 2007

Just...Bethany

I have a fear of failure. Maybe it’s not so much a fear but an expectation of failure. Just like everyone I have fallen off the horse a few times. I have brushed myself off and hopped back on. But somewhere along the line I decided that I don’t really like horses anyway, so why bother riding. I talk myself out of trying things because I am sure there is no hope of success. This, obviously, is self-defeating and foolish.

Thing is, I don’t want to become one of those women –women whose identity is lost in that of their husbands and children. I would imagine such a life would be unfulfilling. If I continue expecting failure in my personal endeavors I will surely join the ranks of women who are disoriented when they stand alone.

So I’ve had to ask myself: Who is Bethany? Yes, I am a woman who is proud of her exceptional husband and son (and daughter). But I am also a chef, an entertainer, a musician, a laugher, a taster, a feeler. I am an athlete, a worker, a teacher, a friend, a comedian, a reader and a writer. I am a dancer, a card player, a Saint, a sinner, a person. Yes, I am a failure but I am also a striver and a succeeder. I am a master of my own fate. I have too much to offer the world and myself to allow myself to be swallowed in self doubt.

So I am doing something for the sake of all that is Bethany. And I am not waiting any longer. I should have done it long ago but felt overwhelmed and under-qualified.

I started to write a book this week. As I scribble away I can see my many weaknesses as a writer. It is discouraging, but I can also see my potential. This book will be a long journey. Perhaps I will never even see it in print. But if that is the case, it will not be for a lack of trying. Therefore, I will have succeeded in doing something amazing … becoming a better Bethany.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I love this blog. I constantly find myself having the same self evaluations, how I can grow and become the best Sierra there is. I have pages of goals of who I want to become and who I am now. Too many journals to count, and writings and musings to fill up five drawers in my room. This, I find, is the best catharsis to a bad day, to sit and read of past good days and past bad days that have composed my identity little by little. I am Sierra Robinson, and I am a writer.

Suprisingly enough, I started a book last night and am also finding that as a writer, I am tremendously out of practice. But I love my book so far, and I am especially fond of my characters. We will have to share our tales soon perhaps, if yours is not under lock and key. Something that I love about our family is that we were blessed with the gift to write. May your gift flourish into a beautiful novel.

I'm proud to be your sister Beffy. I love you.

Abbie said...

Good Luck, takes a lot of courage.

Sierra Robinson said...

Bethy, I finally got a blog. I think you can probably get to it from this comment.

Steve, Jenn and Tyson Powell said...

WOW! I can't believe you're going for it! Thats great. I wrote a childrens book for Tyson, but it never got past that. Finding a printer etc...was just too hard so I gave up. I suppose you give me some inspiration to pick that up again! Oh, our camera is a Nikon CoolPix L5 (from Costco for about $230.00!) We just got it right before we left Utah.

Anonymous said...

Every journey comes one step at a time. Each step is worth it because without the individual steps there is no journey. If you don't venture there is no opportunity for forward movement. I am so proud that you are venturing.

Love,
Cindy