Thursday, April 19, 2007

Regaining Sensation

After the nearby shooting at Columbine, I doubted if my life could ever go back to normal. I remember feeling like I was living in a fog: everything looked different, sounded different, even food didn’t taste the same. I continued feeling this way for weeks and began to accept this as my new reality. Gradually, this sensation did fade. But like many physical scars, in the place of my old wound all I felt was numb. So much so, that when the horrors of 9/11 took place, I didn’t feel the feelings I thought I should. While I was alarmed and saddened, I don’t recall shedding a tear. I felt guilty for this and wondered what sort of person I had become that I was hardened to perhaps the most awful tragedy in American history.

With the recent shooting in Virginia I was personally relieved when tears voluntarily fell from my eyes. I felt a great sadness for the lives taken too soon and for the families left with no answers. I felt anger at the media for crucifying the University leaders and police for not acting “fast enough” and then glorifying the killer by posting his hateful pictures and diatribes on the news for America’s entertainment. I felt joy in the knowledge that there is a plan for all of us to reunite with our families again one day if we choose. Our Father in Heaven loves us so much that he sent His Son so that we might live. I felt all these things… but the point is that I could.

Because I have not personally lost any one close to me through tragedy, I can not begin to understand the grief that others deal with daily. I believe, though, that time and prayer can soften blows no matter how painful. I am horrified by what happened in Virginia but glad at the small lesson it has taught me.


Kristy said...

Wow, Bethany. Just wow.

Stephanie said...

Thank Bethany...I needed to hear that. It has been a struggle sorting through my emotions with this recent event but you said it perfectly.

adrienne said...

You are such a good writer, honey. I can feel your feelings.

Ryan said...

Even though we play a lot together you are a women of very deep and intense feelings. I love that about you. You see and feel the world so deeply. I am glad that you have those feelings and were able to feel them in light of what happened at
V-tech. I love and am proud of you.