Mammories

Since it’s been a while since I’ve written a really inappropriate post, or any post, and since for the first time in a month BOTH of my kids are taking a nap at the exact same time, I thought I’d write a little about my boobs—mainly that they’re FREE!!!!

It all came about suddenly, really. I was sitting there, nursing Kiana and out of nowhere I thought “Wow, I really don’t like this anymore. In fact, I don’t like it at all. I want to be done nursing this very instant.”

And so it was.

I pulled the Koala from my chest and went to the grocery store to buy some formula. And I haven’t looked back.

I enjoyed some aspects of nursing and feel proud of myself for hanging in there for nine months. The things I will NOT miss:

-The second I start lactating, my boobs are no longer breasts, but freakish misshapen MAMMORIES. They are gigantic factories of nutrition. Nothing sexy about that.


The following picture was taken one month after birthing Doug. I think it illustates my point nicely and also reminds me of the song "Do Your Ears Hang Low".
-The nursing lounge at church. I am sure it is clean in there, but is it really clean in there? How can I be sure? Also, there are always those awkward moments of being alone with a fellow breast-feeder that I don’t know well. I feel obligated to chat with them and tell them how cute their baby is, even though I can’t really see their baby because it is attached to their boob. So the situation forces me to lie. And lying is especially bad if done at church. And especially especially bad if the lie takes place while I am supposed to be paying attention to sacrament meeting over the speakers, but can’t because I am too busy lying about how cute the baby is, the one I can’t see.

-Nursing bras SUCK! After purchasing ten different bras, not ONE of them fit properly. So I’ve had a bra-wedgie for nine months.

-Then there is the leakage at inopportune moments. Lots of stories there. Too many to share.


Nursing wasn’t all bad though. There are some things I was very fond of:

-The nursing lounge at church. Nursing is a get-out-of-jail free card (JK… sort of). Last Mother’s Day, during the THIRD talk about the Priesthood (on MOTHER’S DAY), I slipped into the nursing lounge to gossip…er nurse… with the other ladies in the ward about how “not motherish” sacrament meeting was going. Many other fun moments were spent not paying attention to Sacrament meeting in that room. But that is bad.

-Nursing is the best diet ever.

-There were hundreds of tender moments shared with my little cubs while nourishing their little bodies. I felt magic watching them grow and knowing that it all stemmed from the food my body created so effortlessly. I got cuddles for free too, and who doesn’t like a free cuddle?


I celebrated my nine months of nursing success by tossing out my old nursing bras and buying some incredibly cute and incredibly comfy regular bras from GAP Body. I’m free. Now my boobs are mine, all mine!

Almost.