Doug in "Time Out"

Car Troubles (Part Two)

It was a hot car by anyone’s standards: sleek black body, tan soft top to match the leather interior, shiny silver rims. Ryan would be disappointed if I didn’t also pay homage to the speaker system that could rattle windows from miles away.

Ryan spent hours revamping that little Miata into a vehicle resembling a porch. And when he wasn’t investing time, energy and lots of money into that car, he was cruising around town with the top down. As the wind blew through his hair, women winked, men drooled and cops pulled out their clipboards.

That car was his baby… until he met me.

Soon all of Ryan’s time, energy and money were invested in me. I was his baby. And to prove it, Ryan would often trade cars with me for a day or two. He’d take my 87’ Corolla and I’d cruise the streets of Provo in his Batmobile—a fair trade I’d say.

One night, we exchanged cars under the agreement that I’d pick him up at 5:30 a.m. the following day. It was still dark outside when I walked outside the next morning. I turned the key and pulled the handle, but the car door wouldn’t budge. I yanked and pried until I realized that I was actually playing a game of “tug war.” Someone was inside the car pulling it closed.

At first I thought Ryan was playing a crazy joke on me. I wouldn’t put it passed him. He loved to tease me.

Then the unmistakable odor of stale cigarettes, pork rinds, and whiskey wafted out of the car. I know that everyone has their off days in the bathing department, but not Ryan. He always smelled good. The person inside the car was not Ryan. I was terrified.

You know in the movies when something intense happens and everything becomes slow motion? My world suddenly slowed. The car door creaked opened.

“Geeeeet the heeeeeck ouuuuuut of myyyyy caaaaar,” I garbled (but “heck” was not the actual word I selected for that moment).

The man in the car was large and hairy (and did I mention that he really stunk). He had a knife.

I couldn’t run. My feet had turned into cinder blocks. I was frozen in place.

What happened next was a blur, but the end result was the man disappeared into the darkness and I stood there dumbfounded, but unassaulted.

It seems that the man had slit through the soft top and unlocked the car door. He'd been grinding away at the car’s ignition when I arrived and foiled his evil plot to steal the car.

The thief caused over $3000 worth of damage and the car smelled like butt for weeks, but at least I was okay.

Ryan repaired his beloved car but sold it a month later. Some things, such as fiancés, are more important than “things.”

We still think fondly of that amazing car, though.

If Kiana was an ice cream flavor, she would be Spumoni.

Yup... We're still in Texas

Dallas had a blizzard yesterday. The snow was all wrong. Instead of being light and fluffy, it was wet and heavy. Maybe I'm just bitter. The bad weather interfered with our satellite and we were unable to watch American Idol or LOST. Hmph!

I'll give Texas props, though. It's way out of practice in the snow department. At least the stuff was white...

Doug wiggled and squirmed until the Papa Bear arrived home from work. I told Doug that Dad would take him out to play in the snow (Doug's first snow experience). As soon as Ry walked through the front door, Doug darted outside yelling "Snow! Snow! Snoooow!" The problem was that he didn't have on shoes, socks or pants.



When properly attired, my handsome boys preceded to make a giant snowball. This mound consisted of 60% snow, 25% mud, and 15% dog poop. Welcome to apartment living.





Kiana and I couldn't resist the snow either. We joined the boys for a few minutes. I gained a new appreciation for pioneer women who trekked across the continent in freezing snow with babies in tow... so we went back inside and watched the fun from the window.

Car Troubles (Part One)

I walked into my Media Criticism class and there he was… just sitting there.

“Fan-freakin’-tastic.”

From the mortified expression on his face I gathered that he felt the same way. He’d broken up with me two weeks prior (on New Years Eve for heaven’s sake) and unbeknownst to either of us we had signed up for the same class. A disaster.

Then there was that awkward moment of deciding where to sit. Would it be rude to ignore him take a seat on the opposite side of the room? Probably. I decided to sit next to him and play “friends” like we’d originally agreed.

“Hi,” I mumbled.

“Hi,” he mumbled.

Let me back-pedal for a brief moment. The reason we broke up was complicated. I won’t go into the logistics, but I will say that I was right and he was wrong.

But back to the story…

So, we endured the first couple of weeks of class sitting in near approximation to one another and occasionally exchanging civilities such as “What’s up?” and “How’d you do on the test?” but that’s about it.

Until Heavenly Father blessed me with car troubles.

My car broke down good and hard and I barely had enough mechanical knowledge to pop the hood. I needed help. And there was only one person I knew who had the skills and the patience required for the job.

I humbled myself and asked him for his expertise. He towed my car. He got estimates for the repair. He drove me around. He took me to get new parts.

And there was nothing in it for him. He was just nice that way. He was just perfect that way. He was just perfect for me. Jimminy Crickets! Why on earth did we break up? I must have him (again)! He must be mine!

So I took him to dinner. Then I made him kiss me. And a few months later I made him marry me.

And to think, my eternal happiness can be blamed entirely on car troubles…

My Son, the Masochist

One hour and thirty minutes is the current record.

If Doug decides he is full, he is full. No more food will be entering his stomach… and that is final. He often decides this, however, when the last bite of food is already in his mouth.

A normal person under such circumstances would do one of two things. Either he would spit the surplus food out or if he was really really normal, he would swallow anyway.

Doug opts for a different approach. He holds the food in his mouth. He allows it to liquefy. He may even swish a little. But under no circumstance will the food be swallowed.

And he won’t spit it out either. Not unless he has permission. Sometimes, in attempt to teach Doug a lesson on the importance of swallowing, Ryan won’t give Doug that permission. So Doug just sits there (sometimes for fifteen minutes or longer) until Ry finally gives in and holds him over the sink.

Occasionally, however, it goes unnoticed that Doug hasn’t swallowed. Such was the case several months ago when Grandma Aidy took Doug to the mall. They ate at the food court and then continued shopping. Grandma wondered why Douglas was being so quiet and well-behaved. After an hour and a half of silence, however, Grandma realized that something was terribly wrong. That’s when she discovered the Cajun rice, chicken, and corn just stewing in Doug’s mouth. It was the record-setting incident.

Saturday night was another instance. Doug had dined on sandwich for dinner. It wasn’t until he sneezed bologna and cheese all over Ryan did we realize that our poor little champ had been juicing his dinner for well over a half an hour.

The end.

Butterfly

I never thought the day would come… but I’ve transitioned.

Today I went shopping (Without the cubs. Yippee!) and here are the stores that I did NOT go into:


-American Eagle
-Hollister
-Aeropostal

Here are the ones I did go into:

-Banana Republic
-J Crew
And… brace yourself… Ann Taylor Loft

It’s time that I start dressing like an adult. Let’s face it, I’m dripping with children and practically middle-aged (Don’t worry, I’m still a couple of years shy of Dress Barn). But I’ve come to the realization that it’s not cute to show my butt-crack every time I bend over (bye bye low-rise jeans) and perhaps tee-shirt with sayings like “total flirt” and “your boyfriend wants me” are also a little irrelevant.

But the price tags... oh my. I don't think I can afford to dress like a grownup.

I still want to look youthful and trendy... just classy and put together at the same time. I’m having a hard time finding the balance. Any suggestions?